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"It's time to speak your truth."
-Hopi Elder-
Recent Entries 
27th-Jul-2008 07:38 am - my wonderful family.

you know...
most parents don't greet their children every time they come home with,

"oh...not you again...*sigh* "


i think the feeling is comparable to that of being punched in the stomach...

short sited...
the breath is knocked out of you...
you want to cry...but you know it's pointless...
and all you want to do is curl up in a ball and pretend the world doesn't exist.

thats pretty much my standard morning.


all i get to see everyday in my mothers eyes is loathing and resentment.
not love...or support...

nothing.
a complete lack of emotion.

i could be a stranger walking down the street and she might have more compassion.


you never really know the true and complete feeling of worthlessness....
until your own parents tell you what a waste you are.

i get to live with this feeling every day of my life...


in my mind i know that its not me...
there is something wrong with them...something missing...

but since i was the age of 4...the same thing has replayed in my mind.

whats wrong with me?

i haven't figured it out yet.
the only common denominator has been me...

my sister is the golden child...
my brother is the baby...

and i am the waste.


i have worked my whole life trying to earn the love and respect of my family...
but i will never be enough.

who i am is not enough...
i have to live with that.




its not easy.
there are moments when im strong.

but there are moments when all i do is cry.

25th-Jul-2008 06:25 pm - Writer's Block: Dreams
Talk about a recurring dream you've had, or talk about your most vivid dream. What makes it stick in your memory?



i have these dreams that i can fly.  i always have them... 

but it's not so much flying...as suspended jumping...  i can jump high in the air and stay there until i want to come down.  it's strange...but so incredibly amazing.  it's always night time...and the stars are clear in the sky...it's always so beautiful.

actually, last night i dreamed that this happened...
except this time there were ET's in the dream as well...

i was jumping high into the air...
and there was a tree nearby...
but i saw this light zooming around and i would jump higher and higher so i could see what it was.  it was this triangle and then all of a sudden it came right up next to me...

i extended my hand to sheild my eyes because it was so bright...

and as i extended my arm...i felt this electric energy that made my arm tingle and it made this fizzy sound...
and then i was just sucked up...

and then i woke up.
i was sooo mad...

it was a good dream.


25th-Jul-2008 06:22 pm - Writer's Block: Earth Vacation
If you were an alien and came to Earth, what would you tell the folks back home about the planet, its people, etc?
 i would tell them that it was an amazingly wonderful planet that has been abused by it's people.  i would tell them of the ignorance and hostility of governments and how they have ruined this wonderful place.  but i would also tell them of the beauty and love that reside in some of the world's people...and probably recommend that they relocate...leaving all the evil here to destroy themselves.

If you could be any character from any TV show, who would you be and why?
 I would be Donna from That 70's Show...
she is gorgeous...talented...and has a boyfriend who loves her.
25th-Jul-2008 06:17 pm - Writer's Block: Your First Record
What was the first music album you ever bought or owned? Do you still listen to it or have you moved on?
 My first record was the Grease Soundtrack that my mother got me for my birthday.   It is very nostalgic listening to it...but after having performed in Grease the Musical...I no longer have any interest in anything Grease.

Try to describe yourself in one sentence.
 I am a being of light and love and only a small expression of Universal energy evolving on this planet that we call Earth.

13th-Jun-2008 11:10 am - heartbreak hotel...
my boyfriend of the past 2months... broke up with me this past week.

i thought things were so good...and then all of a sudden...its over.



 i think i'm done.
men are the most horribly aweful egotistical waste of breathe on this planet.

no offense to the very few of you that prove that statement wrong.


i am just fed up!
i think i'm going to start dating women from now on... men are so aweful...i'd rather be a lesbian.


i think i'm going to remain alone...for the duration of my life.  it sucks....but relationships suck too... so i'd rather have the lesser of two evils.


ugh.
Vampires or werewolves?
 Vampires all the way!

i have always had this attraction to vampires and for me...it is the most erotic fantasy.

12th-Jun-2008 08:39 pm - Writer's Block: Banished to Space.
If you were exiled to outer space, where would you be sent and what would you bring along?
 

if i were sent to outerspace...

first of all...that would be the happiest effin day of my life!



i would be sent to the pleiades...and i would bring pictures of this world with me to share with the others.  and thats it... everything i need is already there...
What is one thing you MUST do before you go to bed at night?
kiss my boyfriend...
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