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"It's time to speak your truth."
-Hopi Elder-
my wonderful family. 
27th-Jul-2008 07:38 am

you know...
most parents don't greet their children every time they come home with,

"oh...not you again...*sigh* "


i think the feeling is comparable to that of being punched in the stomach...

short sited...
the breath is knocked out of you...
you want to cry...but you know it's pointless...
and all you want to do is curl up in a ball and pretend the world doesn't exist.

thats pretty much my standard morning.


all i get to see everyday in my mothers eyes is loathing and resentment.
not love...or support...

nothing.
a complete lack of emotion.

i could be a stranger walking down the street and she might have more compassion.


you never really know the true and complete feeling of worthlessness....
until your own parents tell you what a waste you are.

i get to live with this feeling every day of my life...


in my mind i know that its not me...
there is something wrong with them...something missing...

but since i was the age of 4...the same thing has replayed in my mind.

whats wrong with me?

i haven't figured it out yet.
the only common denominator has been me...

my sister is the golden child...
my brother is the baby...

and i am the waste.


i have worked my whole life trying to earn the love and respect of my family...
but i will never be enough.

who i am is not enough...
i have to live with that.




its not easy.
there are moments when im strong.

but there are moments when all i do is cry.

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